I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
