ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
