thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
