I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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