My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
