I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
