Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
