The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
