Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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