I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
