Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
