she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
