I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
