I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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