I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize