Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Acid is not a monday night drug
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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