My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
