What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize