her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
