youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry about my life...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
