I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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