She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
