My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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