I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
