dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
