I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
