he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
