I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
