I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
