tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My penis needs a shock collar
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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