Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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