This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
