I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
