Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
