I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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