loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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