you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i can't believe i had my finger in that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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