Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
