if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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