I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
