Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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