even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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