Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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