I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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