yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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