You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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