Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
