He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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