i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
