peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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