And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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