my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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