I am puke
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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