I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
