if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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