Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
