The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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