Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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