did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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