I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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