I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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