It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
