Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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