I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
3pm strippers are depressing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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