I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
