I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
