I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
