Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
