You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
