Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think my moral compass just broke
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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