i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
